Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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