dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
