I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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