I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
