the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
