my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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