Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
