I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
