The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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