The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
