there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
