Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
