3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
