Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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