Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
