haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
