Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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