my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
is it fun? or sober?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
