She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
