she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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