oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
