I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
