wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize