I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
