Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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