When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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