saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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