this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
