lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
