i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
