grandma shit on top of the toilet
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
