were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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