The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
