Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
