How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
