the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
