When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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