I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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