Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL

(609): View more from New Jersey

dude. stop pregaming the food network.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate

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(805): View more from California

I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/

(917): View more from New York City

It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard

(732): View more from New Jersey

That's a sexy sentence

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