come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
