I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So. Much. Porn.
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