I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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