Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
