i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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