How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
