That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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