who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
