we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
