new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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