Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
